Does it Stink in Here?

I love my cars. My long black shiny cars. I am very proud of them. I take very good care of them. They are not only very expensive, but they are how I earn my living.

There are other hearse lovers out there. But I really don't think that they love hearses for the same reasons as I do. I love what we do in my business. We bring a little dignity to an otherwise gruesome experience. We honor the deceased with the finest available for the budget we are given. Whatever that budget may be. I am very proud to be entrusted to drive your loved one to their final resting place. I take my job very seriously and operate with caution and care, every inch of the way.

I feel that these hearse lovers care more about the gruesome side of death and the fact that many people seem to be afraid of their hearse. They use them for shock value. They pick them up cheaply after their life in the industry has ended. They take them to the grocery store or go camping in them. They put zombie stickers in the windows and drive around with coffins in the back. They paint flames down the side and put giant speakers in the back deck. Now I admit that I have been to Hell. Hell Michigan that is for the hearse show held each year before Halloween. It can be fun, but it should not be a way of life.

I operate my funeral coach for funerals only. You will only see it when I am on my way to a funeral, doing a funeral or on my way back to the garage. You will never see it at Mac Donald's. The only place I ever stop is the gas station or car wash. And when I do stop, there is never a body on board. EVER!

Still, the car wash attendants will peek in the back cautiously or I will get odd comments at the gas station. And NO, it doesn't "freak me out to drive that thing".

A hearse is typically the cleanest car you will ever see. Even if a funeral home uses it as a first call vehicle, it must be clean come the next funeral. NO there are no fowl smells!
I recently went around a few times with an on-line forum about how to get the formaldehyde smell out of a hearse a guy had just purchased. I assured him that it was not embalming fluid that he smelled. He more likely smelled cleaning chemicals. To remedy that, simply use hydrogen peroxide and fresh air. Of course throughout the forum, I was told that I know nothing about the funeral business or how it works and that bodies leak fluids all the time. One guy insisted to use Pine-sol because it's the only thing that will cover the smell.

Why?! Why are these people so stupid and yet still allowed to breath the same air as sane people?

Let me be perfectly clear here. I do not haul bodies. I transport people whom have recently deceased. These are people that should always be treated with dignity. The day I start thinking otherwise, is the day I stop working in this industry completely.

I think that people have so many preconceived notions of what goes on and they've heard so many embellished stories from people that have no idea what they are talking about that they can't even fathom the truth. People see a hearse and automatically think it smells bad. So when they smell something, they assume that they know what it is. And that's exactly why we don't use chemicals to clean with.

And while I'm ranting, it is a hearse...H E A R S E. Not Hearst, There is no T. And to be precise, it is actually a funeral coach.

I feel better now.