Can I make my own Casket?

Of course you can.

I can't say that we see a lot of this sort of thing. I know that I've seen several people that buy a casket on line or through a discount store like Walmart or Costco. All I can say about those is that you get what you pay for and don't hold it against the funeral director if things are not up to standards set by yourself. Also sometimes delivery of those caskets can take longer than through our sources, so plan your funeral accordingly and leave plenty of time. Death is never convenient.

Do-it-yourself Caskets and Coffins

There is a growing trend in people wanting to be more hands-on when it comes to their loved ones funerals. Just know that there is more to it than most people know. Funeral homes do a lot of work that no one ever sees and in some states, such as Michigan, a funeral director is required by law. You can't just bury grandpa in the field out behind the house anymore. But any director worth dealing with will be happy to customize your funeral as much as you'd like, and not everything comes with a hefty price tag. So go ahead, make your own casket, if you'd like. Or customize one of ours. We don't mind at all. Just keep in mind if you make yours, you'll be looking at it until the day you die.

Let Me Go

Everyone on this earth is born. And we each much also die. It may not be convenient for those left behind to mourn, but it is something that we all must do.
I do a lot of services for people whom have lived long and full lives. Those services are truly a celebration of life. Unfortunately, there are services for people who's lives seem way too short and often it seems unfair that it has come to what appears to be an untimely end.

Recently, CBN televangelist Pat Robertson proclaimed that "God has given us the ability to raise the dead, we just aren't using it."
And now there is a group called "The Dead Raising Team" that claims that they have performed a dozen resurrections. And finally, a family in Hamilton Ontario Canada kept their dead husband and father in their home since March, praying that he would be brought back to them. Here's the story from Caleb Wilde of Confessions of  a Funeral Director.

I know everyone loves me. But I have one request.
Be it 50 years from now or tomorrow, Let Me Go.

Mental Energy

Today we have rain. I wrote this a few days ago and have obviously survived....

While I type this, there are huge flakes of snow cascading from the heavens, falling gently on anything and everything that is outside. I work outside. Morning promises to be a little more challenging than the mornings of recent days. Hollywood would paint a picture of serenity and peace with the falling snow. But as a professional driver, I see the reality of shoveling, plowing and idiot drivers on the road that don't know how to prepare for such beauty and serenity. I can handle it. I've been doing this professionally for 20 years. If I prayed, I would pray that the less prepared people would all be safe in the morning.

To continue my series on making a positive change in one's life, I come to Mental Energy. Once you've eliminated the negativity and prepared your body with rest, nutrition and exercise, you need to make sure that you are mentally prepared for your new success. Mental energy can come from passion, emotion and motivation. It results from either the search for pleasure or to avoid pain. Yes, pain. Often we are motivated by fear. It could be a threat of unemployement or actual physical pain.

A good vocabulary isn't a must, but a bad vocabulary can certainly hurt you. Surrounding yourself with people that talk poorly of you will only bring you down. But in contrast, if people encourage each other to always do a little better, what happens is, well, people do better.

What would your life's soundtrack be like? Does the music that you listen to lift your spirits? Does it give you the mental energy that you need to complete your task? Each person is very different. What lifts your spirits may be just the thing that brings mine down. In a day when people seem to be obsessed with music, it's a good idea to have a playlist that will help get you through the tough spots. ( A playlist is like a modern day mix-tape ) Make up a playlist for exercising. Make up something to help you relax. What does your work day sound like. Each of these things can be quite different. Music to help you prepare for a meeting will be different than a night out with friends. And for some, such as myself, quiet time will go far in helping to get things done. I'm the kind of person that really listens to the music. I can't help but to dance, even if it is just in my thoughts. So to concentrate, I turn everything off.

One more way to gain mental energy is to turn to your beliefs. Regardless of your religious affiliations, everyone believes something. Whatever that might be, to spend a little time reflecting on those beliefs, gives you a chance to center yourself mentally and prepare for whatever you are about to tackle.

To summarize, if you have a lofty dream, you must pursue it with passion and urgency, or you will run out of fuel to complete the journey. And if you don't have a driving purpose in life, begin the journey of self discovery today. The Law of Energy says: Human life is sheer physical, mental and spiritual energy. The force for living is abundant in the universe, but may be hidden as mere potential or expressed as kinetic energy. Pursue your goals through a balance of physical, mental and spiritual energy.

I am prepared for what tomorrow holds. Plenty of rest, a good meal and a clear state of mind is a great way to start any day. Snow can be quite peaceful.

Have a great day friends.

Manifesting Change

I believe that we manifest, or bring in to our lives, whatever we think about. I have watched it for years in every person that I have ever met. I believe that people are awesome. They care about pretty much everything and everyone, always. It's just that they are so busy believing what they have been told, and therefore manifesting it, that they genuinely haven't noticed that in our gorgeous little planet's entire history, there has never been:
- A drought that didn't end
- A storm that didn't clear
- Lightning that didn't retreat
- An earthquake that didn't still
-A flood that didn't recede, nor
-A plague that wasn't eventually, completely, and utterly overwhelmed by the healthy

These are all things that will come to an end. And in the end, we will be here. We'll be here a little smarter, a little stronger and a little better off. These are not things we need to worry about.

We need to stop believing the folklore of the past. Take a good look at reality and create our own future.
Start living a life filled with meaning. A life that will be remembered long after we are gone.

My Father was a Pioneer

No, he didn't blaze any trails across the wild West or battle Native Americans for land rights. He wasn't part of any gold rush either. But yes, my father, and mother, were pioneers. They both looked to bring Chiropractic care to America in the 1950's and 60's. They believed in everything it had to offer. In a time when "modern medicine" had very little to offer and diseases such as polio were running rampant with no cure in sight, they looked to bring natural, holistic cures to people seeking relief from their aches and pains. You see, in 1933, my father received a vaccination that was popular at the time and a bad reaction to the serum almost took his arm. He wore the scars of that vaccination for 80 years until the day he died in July of 2013. And he vowed to find a better way to heal people that were sick.

In my previous post, I wrote about eliminating negative people and things from your life. Surrounding yourself with positive people and situations. But once you've done that, you still need to remain positive yourself. In order to do that, you must take care of yourself. Take ownership of yourself and stop blaming others for your shortcomings. Proper sleep and nutrition is a must. Do whatever it takes to ensure that you are able to get the rest and nutrition that it takes to achieve your goals.

To complete the balance in your life, you must take care of your body completely. Exercise of some sort is essential to your well being. My father would be quick to offer an adjustment to keep you balanced and keep your organs operating optimally. I swore by what I was taught my entire life. That pinched nerves can cause numbness, dizziness, shortness of breath and allergies. Vital organs can function improperly if the nerves working them don't receive the proper signals from the brain. So, whenever I would have anything from a headache to a pain in my foot, I turned to Dad and chiropractic care. My father taught me that the body wants to be "in line". In recent years, I've seen chiropractic offices offering massage therapy and I thought it was genius. The body wants to be in line. Relax the muscles and the joints will almost fix themselves. The problem is though, if the muscles are too relaxed, it is even easier to joust something out of place. I thought that there has to be a better way.

That's when I found Yoga. And I know what the images are that come to mind about yoga. They are ALL untrue. Recently many Youtubers have been doing the Yoga Challenge in an effort to entertain their viewers. There are untrained kids trying to do the most ridiculous maneuvers and poses. While it is entertaining to say the least, it is NOT Yoga. Many people often confuse yoga with meditation too. Yes, it helps to concentrate but meditation is something different.

I'm sure that if my father had been born in a different time, he would have been a Yogi. As it were though, it was known as something from the East and having served in the US Navy during WW2 in the Pacific, anything remotely Japanese was tabu.

The truth is that Yoga has eliminated my asthma. It has eliminated my allergies to pollens and danders. Yoga has improved my posture and helped in my digestion. My muscles are more toned and I've been able to maintain a healthy weight, well into my forties. Last year, I ran my first 5k when in the past I couldn't run a half mile.

All this has given me confidence to do so many things that I never thought I would be able to do. Anyone can do yoga. Most days, I do simple beginner stretches. They keep me balanced and help me to feel better about myself, so I can take on the day. The assisted living home where my parents lived offered chair yoga for those that could not get up and down easily. It is simple stretching. Any runner or swimmer will know how important stretching can be. And any doctor will tell you how important it is to stay active and exercise.

This is what works for me. Everyone is going to be different. I guess my point is that over the years, I have taken the knowledge given me and searched out what works for me. It took many years and trying different things.

Find what works for you. Eat well, get plenty of rest and exercise.
Once you have yourself ready to take on your next challenge, you will wonder why you didn't start sooner.

Negative Influences

Growing up in the United Penticostal Church as a gay man, I had a lot of suppressed emotions. As I've aged, I have found that there is a lot of negativity that comes in growing up that way. As one friend explains it, they have a list of Do's and Don'ts that consist of a whole lot of Don'ts. Having come to terms with myself and educating myself about the laws of nature and humanity, I've been working the last few years to better myself in a more positive way. To live my life in a way that is more accepting of the diversity around me. But yet, surrounding myself with positive influences and eliminating the negative influences of my life.

Many conditions can drain or waste your vital energy. Examples are boring routines, excessive indulgence, guilt and self blame. These are all things that were prevalent in my life but are also obvious and so they need no further discussion. Instead, I will focus on something that is poisonous , subtle and often underestimated.

One of the most destructive sources of energy drainage is negative people. These people surrounded me as a child and young adult. Their pessimistic words and attitudes can kill you, both figuratively and literally. They can shut off your vision of hope and expectancy, emphasize fear and doubt, and focus on the ugly and sad. Expose your dreams to them, and you may never dream again.

You should love people with all your heart. But choose wisely the ones with whom you share your time with. Negativity manifest in a variety of shapes and forms. You may see it in any or all of these forms

* Cursing
* Gossip
* Fear
* Low self-esteem
* Unforgiven wrongs
* Envy or Grudge
* Regret
* Procrastination

Think about the 10 people that you spend the most time with and compare them against those eight items listed above. Don't be surprised if the people that you are closest to have some or all of the qualities listed. It is important to carefully and systematically reduce the amount of time that you spend with those negative influences.

I'm not saying to separate from your marital partner or close relatives. In those cases, we must show kindness, avoid arguments and NEVER expose your dreams to them.

You may be tempted to remain in the company of those that are negative because you hope to turn them positive. If you want to help a negative friend or relative, you must first work on yourself and your dreams. Gain some victories in your life. Then, you can reach back with strength and compassion, and lift your loved one. If you try to remain with the negative influences, they will only keep you from ever achieving your goals or helping them.

Now think about the ten most positive people or groups that you know that you would like to have as a regular part of your life. Regardless of how you know them. Start contacting them. Carefully develop relationships with them. Be sure that you have something to bring to the relationship and that you are not just using them for your advantage. Feed and nurture these positive relationships. Associate with leaders in your profession or area of interest. Find people who are moving forward. Your growth demands that you avoid regressive forces that seek to complain, assign blame, or forecast doom.

There are many people in my industry that look at increased cremation rates as the demise of the funeral industry. I like to surround myself with people who see it simply as a change, and that we all need to change with the times instead of burying our heads in the sand.

I will let you digest this information and we will come back to this subject in the near future.

Bigger than an Iphone 6

Many times in the last few months I have felt that I really missed sharing my thoughts with the world through this blog. Several times I've gone back over some of the post that I've done and wondered what direction, if any, I was taking. These are my thoughts on the matter.

I often try to post things that I find inspirational. If you follow me on facebook, you may have noticed this too. Over there, I try to keep things short and simple. This is where I can come to finish a thought though. And for some reason, you all seem to care what I think. Thank you for that.

Many times, as well, this has been more of a travel log of sorts. Chronicling my many adventures.

At first, I did not see how these things all went together. It seemed a little random to me. But what I have found is that A Brighter Side of the Grave is all of these things. Life is about the adventures that we share. We share them with family and friends as they happen. And we share them over and over again, sometimes for years afterward, with people that we meet along life's way.
 With age, comes experience. And I love the fact that I have inspired several people to experience more than they ever thought possible simply by sharing my adventures and experiences.

I'm not a materialistic person. I don't need to surround myself with things. I don't need the latest and greatest gadgets. In fact, I usually let others work the bugs out before I invest in anything new. But, what I do love to spend money on is adventure. Sometimes we can plan for a year or more for an adventure. Some people call them vacations, others call them holidays. I call them adventures.

These adventures give us something to look forward to. As the day draws closer, we find ourselves getting excited. When we embark, we can hardly believe that it is happening. And when it is over, we have stories to tell for the rest of our lives. Sometimes we don't even know how great the adventure is until after it is done. Have you ever planned a beach vacation to have it rain every day that you are there? I did. Over a year of planning a trip to Cape Cod and it turned out to be the coldest wettest month of June in the history of Cape Cod weather. We threw on some jackets and went exploring anyway. It was a wonderful time and I wouldn't have changed anything. On the way home, we stopped in Plymouth. We had planned a cemetery tour in the evening. We contacted the tour guide who informed us that everyone else had cancelled but since we had traveled so far, if we wanted to continue, to meet her at Plymouth Rock. We did. She handed us some lanterns and led us to the cemetery. The sun set and as she was trying to spook us with her stories, the weather worsened. A cold wind was blowing and the rain was coming down sideways. I think our stories frightened her more than her stories, us. By the end, we were drenched and frozen. It was an experience I will never forget and wouldn't change for anything. Stories that will last longer than any Iphone 6.

It is life's adventures that keep me going. I appreciate every second that I am given here on Earth. Sometimes those adventures are cloaked in the veil of every day work. But if you look closely, they are always there. In everything we do, there is adventure. And when you realize this, you will look forward to every day, not just your next vacation.

Just remember this, one of my favorite quotes by Mark Twain;
Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.

So, the adventure goes on....

An Honest Look

A couple days ago, I posted photos and thoughts about the death of the city that is 25 miles from my home. I know that it made quite an impact on those that have seen it.  The scene from the Packard Plant makes a person gasp in disbelief. That is not a bombed out building. That is what 50 years of neglect and vandalism looks like.

This image is an ideal photo of the beautiful city of Detroit as seen from Windsor, Ontario, Canada.

A picturesque image that falsely portrays a city full of life in the evening.

From the riverfront view in Hart Plaza even, it appears to be a city full of life and promise.

The fairly new addition of a new stadium for the Detroit Tigers and arena for the Lions, do their best to bring the suburbanites back to the city. It looks amazing in this photo. But when you zoom in to street level, you see the beggers and dealers following the game-goers to their cars. Along Woodward avenue is wonderful things like the historic Fox Theatre, Orchestra Hall, several museums and a first class hospital network. But get one block in any direction and the picture changes.

You are about to see the real Detroit.

These photos will rip your heart from your chest.

They are very real.

In many cities, after a neighborhood takes a turn for the worst,

thrifty buyers will come in and fix up the old historic homes.

That is not going to be the case in Detroit.

The future for even this once grand entertainment hall does not look well.

Look closely and you will see laundry hanging to dry from a second story window at this condemned apartment building.

The streets are lined with rubble and garbage in front of what used to be thriving businesses.

These sights are not rare and it doesn't take any searching to find them.

Everywhere you look, there are ghostly reminders of a once powerful city.

Grand homes where many children were raised.

Family dinners were served and holidays celebrated.

Kwame Kilpatrick was certainly not the best mayor in the world. But sorry folks, Kwame didn't kill Detroit. He was raised in a society that taught him the world owed him. He made deals with his friends to do work around the city, took bribes, had affairs and lied about everything. It's nothing that everyone around him wasn't already doing. It's the only life he knew. He had no idea that it was wrong.

It was the people of Detroit that voted for the corrupt city council based on the lies they told. It was the drug dealers taking over otherwise good neighborhoods and no body stopping them. It was the never ending race riots that started back in the 60's and still goes on today. It's a city filled with bigots, racist, liars, and thugs. The city that has tried to spread its warped views with the rest of the world in the form of "music" and "history". Detroit has become what it deserves. 

This last photo is again by 

my friend Aimee.

Is this photo a metaphor for Detroit itself?

Can we get past the rubble and ruins,

Beyond the grave yard,

and to a new renascence.

Only time will tell.

The Death of a City

I recently found myself driving the limo again for some wealthy clients. One is a real estate monster in our little corner of the world who is married to a nationally recognized sculptor. Another is a top judge in our area and the other is head of a major manufacturing organization and son of a former baseball star in Detroit. They went for a birthday celebration to a play in Detroit, at the Fisher Theatre in the Fisher Building. The theatre is located on Grand Blvd in Detroit just down the boulevard from the famous Hitsville USA Museum where so many Motown records were recorded.









It all sounds very nice. But as I know everyone knows, Detroit is experiencing some pretty tough times. Right along side of these historic landmarks that look so wonderful in pictures, are abandoned houses and businesses, vacant lots where only the ghost of a lively Detroit now resides. Burned out buildings from arson or rouge fires from homeless people trying to stay warm during our cold winter nights. The news would have you believe that it's the economy to blame. The people blame the businesses and the businesses blame the people all over the world because they buy products from places like China or Mexico. But what really happened to this once great city? The city that put the world on wheels.

This beautiful theatre was built with money from the automobile business. A business that seems to have left it behind in a decaying neighborhood to fend for itself. What, if anything, could save this historic sample of industrial architecture? Detroit is putting on a brave face and trying to show the world what it has to offer. There are a few investors doing their part to revive what they can and try to hold this sinking ship together. But I feel that it takes more than money and advertising. It takes more than a new stadium for the Tigers or the Lions to play their sports in. It takes more than a face lift at the convention center. It takes a change in attitude. And we're talking about an attitude that is 40 to 50 years in the making.

A recent article that I read, stated that the people in the suburbs say "Let it fall apart, we don't need it." But then the article argues that without the city, there would be no suburb. That a central city is essential to the life of a sprawling metropolis. Without one, the other could not exist. I believe that this is antiquated thinking. It's a new global world and if a city is to survive, it needs to keep up globally. Not just locally. Detroit is proof that a city can not exist basing it's entire structure around one industry. It was insanity to think that the auto industry would last forever. It was insanity to think that the workers could keep making more and more. Did they not see that retirees would live longer and essentially be retired longer than they worked? Unions did a lot for getting workers fair wages and safe working conditions. Once those things were regulated by the government, the unions pushed for more. We have unskilled workers living the American dream and college graduates working minimum wage jobs. Detroit is a not-so-shiny example of what is wrong with the American society and doesn't seem to see a problem.

My clients for the day left their posh homes for the day to go to the theatre. Driven in a limousine to a overly gilded landmark and escorted by me back home. The occasional glance out the window with an off-handed comment about how someone should clean up this neighborhood. It is sad to see the blight. To think of all the lives and dreams that passed through that city over the last hundred years and to know that it is all gone is very disturbing.

Friday night I found myself in the Ferndale/Royal Oak area. This area is along Woodward Ave just outside the Detroit city limits. It's an area that once was a poor working class area. The small homes were barely big enough to turn around in let alone raise a family. 30 years ago a momentum was started there to give metro-Detroiters a place to go where they felt safe. The homes were refurbished and added on to. The downtown areas were slowly given face lifts. And with the increased traffic, people felt safer. They felt a sense of community that they could not get from Detroit. Today it is a thriving community with healthy businesses on every corner. A person feels safe to walk to the store or restaurant. One woman that I buried recently had never known a reason to leave her beloved Ferndale community. Never got a driver's licence. It was her home. A home she loved very much. And that my friends, is what Detroit is missing. It's missing people that love it enough to stick it out when times get tough. People that take care of their homes and watch out for their neighbors. People that raise their children to respect other people and love their community. People that welcome new people regardless of race.



So what does the real Detroit look like?
This is what you see driving along the freeway....







And if you dare to exit the freeway and go into a residential neighborhood, this is what you will find...

My good friend Aimee, over at Alchemy Photographic took these two photos at the old Packard Motor Car plant. One would think that it had been bombed. This old plant is next to an old cemetery in the heart of the city. Not only have the people all left the city, we are seeing more and more bodies being dug up and moved to better neighborhoods for the families to visit their loved ones.

 The graffiti is everywhere. I drove past a convenience store and car wash that had so much graffiti on the front of them that I barely noticed the sign for the business itself.

In 1968 Detroit experienced race riots. The whole world heard of the violence that was happening here.
I was too young to remember any of that. But I do remember always being afraid of Detroit. It would seem that the Black's won the race riots as the Whites moved further and further out of the city.
A Black mayor was elected and it began to get worse and worse.

Let me be clear that I have never been racist. But I know where I am not wanted. If a white person drove down the wrong street, they would have rocks or worse thrown at their cars. The violence worsened and the corruption grew. It escalated to a point that even the blacks didn't want to live there, and who would blame them. As one family would abandon their home, the block would become blighted with homeless seeking shelter or drug/sex shops taking over. Recently, someone I know stopped at a red light in Detroit. They were pulled over by a police officer who told them not to stop at any more lights and to get back on the freeway. This is real-world 2000's! Happening right now. This has been 50 years in the making and it's not going to be fixed over night.

Again, there are investors trying to turn things around. Recently the large casino where my brother works added on a hotel. The whole complex is very nice. But it is right next to the Brewster Projects that has been closed for many years, leaving a series of high-rise apartment buildings in a condemned state waiting to be torn down just outside the hotel windows.

People are not willing to move to the city because there is no place to buy groceries or to enjoy a night out. Stores are not willing to open new locations in areas that the crime and theft levels are so high.
A local television station has a new slogan Detroit 2020. They are setting their sights on the next 7 years.
The cycle must end now. The old city of Detroit needs to be laid to rest, a monument honoring it's history erected and then we all need to move on to the next phase. The New Detroit.

It's time!

May days

I love the month of May. It brings with it sunshine, warmer temperatures, green grass, flowers, my birthday, Pugsley's annual shed-a-thon and the wonderful promise of life.

For those that still follow this blog, I thank you. There have been so many things in my daily life that effect what happens (or doesn't happen) here. All I can say is that I am in no way leaving blogland. But I simply can not commit to a regular schedule. I truly enjoy writing and sharing the things that are important to me and hope that in some small way, I can enrich your life along the way.

I am working on a couple of articles that I feel will strike your interest. I would like to spend more time putting together meaningful post rather than the half thoughts that I might have published in the past.

Also there are a few explorations and events coming up very soon that I am looking forward to sharing with you.

To update everyone, spring was a long-time coming this year here as in many other parts of the northern hemisphere. But so far in this little corner of Michigan, the month of May has been sunny and 65 to 80 degrees everyday. Now if the ground would dry out a little from all the rain and snow of April, we'll get this summer thing started. I know that a little north of here, they are still getting heavy, wet snow, so I won't complain.

It was a sad day Thursday as we said goodbye to our Navy Blue Hearse. We convinced our major account to switch to black because it was more marketable for us and everyone loves our new Black Pearl. We've gone back to having just one hearse and working with another service for the occasional back-up. By switching to black, we have secured more accounts and are expecting business to only grow from here. We always have the option to add another hearse down the road.

I don't mind that more and more people are choosing to be cremated. (The percentage is at about 65% these days) I do have difficulty understanding why families are choosing to not have full services. Even if there is a absence of religion in the family, the opportunity to say goodbye to your loved one should not be missed. There are so many options for grieving families. You can still have a full viewing and service and end in cremation. That is simply the final disposal method. It should not effect you opportunity for closure. (This subject greatly effects my business)

I promise you there are many more stories coming your way in the near future. Feel free to comment about what draws you here to the Brighter Side.
Are you looking for stories of the lives we honor each day?
Do you enjoy my positive spin on what could be a very dark subject?
Is it my travel loggs that keep you coming back?
Is my daily caos entertaining to you?
Or do you simply have a fasination of the business that I am in?
Tell me what you would like to read more of and I will see what I can do to make all your wishes come true. Well, whatever I can do.

A Jewish Perspective: The Completeion

Even more so than the Catholics, the people of the Jewish faith, maintain their own cemeteries and have their own customs when it comes to preparing the dead for burial. This is a peek into the views of the church on the subject of cremation.

For part one of this article, see yesterdays post.

When we left off yesterday in Rabbi Levin's article, Adam had just buried his first son. Let's rejoin the Rabbi to get the rest of his perspective.

Burials became the norm and until the pagan tradition of burning on the pyre, burial in the ground was the accepted practice. Throughout history, Jews have been described as the people who bury their dead. The Torah commands us to "surely bury" – even the executed criminal. It's a shame that the People of the Book need to become copy cats of the latest culture; a culture that now has such a large percentage of people agreeing to cremation. Maybe subconsciously people want to be cremated – because if we respect our bodies due to the holiness it carries, then we are expected to live that way – a sublime responsibility – one that many don't necessarily want to commit to.

When Adolph Eichmann, one of the most despicable humans ever, was tried in Israel in 1962, the leadership of the country forbade burial for him – no shrine for this degenerate. They ordered cremation and dispersion of his ashes onto the Mediterranean. Now, isn't this exactly the opposite of what we want for our loved ones?

When Adam was created, G-d, says the Talmud gathered earth from all corners of the globe to make up Adam (adama in hebrew means earth), in order that wherever he dies, earth again will be able to absorb him – ready for hiding until t'chiyas hamaisim.

Years ago, when I was invited to speak at a conference of Jewish burial practices, I pleaded with the group of Rabbis and laypeople not to offer cremation as an alternative practice. Our generation, I said, the generation after the Holocaust should understand this better than most. (In fact, according to a South Florida editorial, the further away we Jews get from this period of the Holocaust, the less distasteful cremation becomes.) We are not the refuse that the degenerates of society thought we were and practiced with us. We are G-d's children, G-d's jewels. We should be hidden after life in "mother" earth, and not disposed of.

It is for these reasons that Jewish law says "no shiva is observed – no Kaddish said, no mourning or burial practices to those who are willfully cremated. They are considered by tradition to have abandoned Jewishness and have surrendered their rights to a posthumous honor.

For so many monumental questions people of the world look to the Jews for answers. When the Chief of Staff of Columbia Presbyterian Hospital in New York was asked "when is the moment of death" regarding the complex issue of brain death – he answered simply – "when the little old Rabbi on the lower east side tells me – then I'll know." He was, of course, referring to Rabbi Moshe Feinstein, the premier decider of halachic issues for a half a century. (Rav Moshe was about 5 feet tall). Before the President of the USA weighed in on capital punishment, he needed Rabbi Feinstein's opinion. I wonder why, then, the people who are described as "the light to all nations" need to look to darkness for their direction in life?

Some people have stated that the reason they want to be cremated is so they should not be a burden on their families, not to use up ground space (for environmental reasons) and obligate funds for grave care and monuments. I wish they would consider that maybe their families appreciate that burden. Sure funerals, caskets, burials and the erecting of monuments are financially difficult and psychologically taxing, but this is the price we pay for love. For family and friends to forever be able to visit, pray and even cry at a loved ones grave site is an honor, not a burden. To read a tombstone and feel uplifted by the sweet memories of a life that has been loved and shared contributes to the totality of the human experience. This inspiration allows us to transcend the difficulties of the moment and the pressures of the pocketbook. Let us also remember the affirmation to us and to all of mankind, that life is not over with the tragedy we call death, but rather the everlasting soul – the G-dly part of us, truly lives on eternally. This unfortunately is so lost by the sad, immediate destruction of cremation.

So let us, the people that G-d himself describes as his special nation, embrace the instructions of our Creator with gratitude that our way in life and indeed in death has eternal ramifications. Ashrainu ma tov chalkainu. (Fortunate is our lot).

Rabbi Boruch E. Levin




I look not to offend anyone by posting this article. I do have respect for the Jewish faith as well as all faiths. I make no claims that one is right and another is wrong. I have formed my own beliefs over the years; An educated belief. But I do not discount any one's beliefs or rituals. Each person should be allowed to form their own opinions and practice their own life as they see fit.

I do find this to be an intriguing topic and may expand more on it in future post.

In contrast to what the Rabbi has written here, I tend to agree more with our friend Anne who wrote about part one....
 " My people (traveller types - children of the earth) believe that you have to burn the body, and anything too closely associated with it, to ensure that the soul can be free. If you keep too many of the dead person's things you hold them back from the next life. Traditionally they would burn the caravan and everything in it - with the body inside. 
Same idea - completely different approach."

In the end, whatever you choose, must satisfy your grieving process. That is what a funeral is for.

A Jewish Perspective

Working in the funeral business over the years, I've had the opportunity to take part in many different types of funerals. One that I have never been a part of is one that you would think that I would, is a Jewish service. After all, I am named after my Uncle Stewart Winstein. My aunt married Stewart before I was born. Although she was raised Catholic, she chose to convert and raise my cousin in the Jewish faith.

That being said, I do know a little about the faith and I know that in the Jewish faith, they believe that the body must be buried whole. I won't go into detail just yet. But basically, that means that they will not go for the ever popular trend of cremating the body. So while putting together the showroom/ selection room at the funeral home, I ran across a catalog that contained urns with the Star of David engraved on them.

There were wood urns that resembled books.

 There were metal urns that were sleek and modern.











There were classically styled urns that colored the Star of David with the color of the flag from Israel.







There was even jewelry that could contain a small amount of ashes to be carried with you wherever you went.









The whole idea of urns and cremation in general seems a little strange when thinking of a Jewish funeral. So I decided to look up what the official views on cremation are in the Synagogue.

I found this article from Rabbi Boruch E. Levin. It's a little long but as someone that makes a living taking people to the cemetery, I found his words to be intriguing and even entertaining. I almost wish other religions felt this way. That being said, I'm looking forward to being put into the oven when I'm done.

A Perspective on Cremation

Did you ever notice that when the news channels want to show the ultimate desecration that protesters have for an opposing country, they display pictures of flag burnings or forms of our leaders burned in effigy? Tragically, in the year 1244, when Gentiles wanted to disgrace our religion, they took 24 wagon loads of Torah scrolls, Medrash and the Talmud and burned them in the center of Paris. Around that period, Maimonides' books were also defamed through burning. We burn that which we wish to discard, humiliate or degrade. Before pollution concerns, we routinely burned our garbage as a quick elimination of a problem. But we never burn or discard something holy or precious. The experts have predicted that in the very near future a full 50% of United States dispositions of human remains will be cremated. After death, families will choose to turn their loved ones into ashes, gases and vapor. Unfortunately this practice has influenced Jewish families as well and more and more are considering this end. I think it behooves us to look at our Jewish teachings and traditions before such a decision is made and since our reaction to death is really governed by how we lived, lets begin there. Our belief is that all of Creation was made to assist humans on their journey. Why else can we slaughter animals and enjoy their succulent meat? Why can we skin leopards for their beautiful fur? Why are we 'better' or more important than beautiful trees that we use for gorgeous wooden bookcases? Practically everything we do and own, shouts the message of a higher purpose. But this comes with a price – you – humans – better be greater – wiser, and even holier than the rest of creation and you better have an elevated calling, because if not, then we should be vegetarians and maybe we should think of building nursing homes for old chickens that should never see the inside of our ovens. But what is this higher purpose? What does our Creator expect from us? As Jews we are told through the Torah, 'to emulate our Creator, to do loving kindness, to respect our elders and to fulfill the commands of G-d'. All these Mitzvos are avenues, Kabbalah tells us, designed by the Chief Designer, for us to become incrementally closer to Him – to become holier and less animalistic. Why were we given such wonderful talents, such awesome abilities, such powerful minds, if all we are expected to do is to eat, drink and be merry? G-d fused in each of us a Neshoma, a holy soul to be our light, our conscience, and our driving force, to do the good that is expected of us. We are, however, constantly, challenged by the darker side of a human, the evil side that pulls us down, and emphasizes only our physical. It is precisely that challenge that G-d appreciates and G-d rewards. But, understandably, if He rewards us here then that challenge diminishes. In order to see who really are the "few good men" – the rewards are given in the next world – a world in which we must have faith. G-d promised a resurrection of the dead - t'chiyas hamaisim. Our Rabbis write that in nature we see a fascinating example of this in a caterpillar, a lowly creature that crawls ever so slowly. However, at the end of its existence – its first existence – it "dies", curls up in a cocoon and if we would dissect it then, it would look rotted. But amazingly, it re-incarnates to a beautiful existence – to a flying butterfly with gorgeous wings. Truly a t'chiyas hamasim. Maybe G-d wanted us to see an example of t'chiyas hamasim to "bring home" this phenomenon, this fundamental Jewish belief, because denying the resurrection is a major Jewish offense. One of the reasons cited for the Jewish prohibition of cremation is that cremation demonstrates by its active destruction of the body, the disbelief in t'chiyas hamasim. Cremation also indicates a lack of sensitivity to our lofty existence – our purposeful life – which contrasts so clearly the difference between us and that which we routinely eliminate. If we are truly the fusion of a G-dly soul to our body, then the body must be respected for housing that soul. "Man", the pinnacle of creation (indicated by man's existence coming chronologically last during creation) this tzelem E-lokim a form made in the "image of G-d" – surely cannot be shown the same quick end as something we wish to throw away. A Sefer Torah that has aged and is not readable, never ends up in a trash heap or burned but is buried in a place called geniza, which means hiding place, – so too should man. Just as the burning of a national flag is a moral offense because of what it signifies, so too, is the act of cremation. No one, certainly not a son or daughter, would dream of mutilating their loved one after death. Judaism directs us to lovingly wash the deceased and dress them in spotlessly white shrouds after the taharah, the purification ceremony is performed, and we carefully place them in a casket to be lowered into the ground. The body is treated with the utmost respect. It is never left alone and we are not permitted to show any frivolity in its presence. The stark difference between this and a crematorium is so evident. The Talmud tells us that if the torah wasn't given to us, we would learn much from animals. We would learn modesty from the cat. We would learn morality from the dove. We would learn integrity from the ant. In that light, I wish to mention a Midrash. When Adam sat in front of his dead son Hevel – the first dead human in history, he did not know what to do with the lifeless body. A raven flew near him carrying a dead raven in his beak. The raven proceeded to scrape the ground until a furrow was dug – large enough to place the dead bird in and then the raven covered and literally buried the dead bird. Adam saw this instinctive act of the raven and proceeded to do the same for the body of his son. We will finish this article tomorrow. For now, go and slaughter an animal and enjoy it's succulent meat.

Gateway Drugs

Gateway drugs. At the mention of them, people think of marijuana. And lovers of the drug will defend that it is not. That it doesn't lead to anything else. That they can stop any time. But do they ever? How many people actually stop. I know people from all walks of life and wealth that partake in the "non-addicting" drug.

I'm not here to judge anyone and I'm not advocating the use of it or any drug. Or for that matter, "not" using.
A topic on my mind lately from interacting with my father each day, is how many pills he takes. I know it's not a lot in comparison to other people. Even my own mother took many more medications than Dad will ever take. I used to watch the people line up at the pharmacy to "get their fix" or monthly rations of doctor prescribed drugs. Anyone who's spent time at any hospital or senior living facility will attest to the amount of medication being filtered through the aging intestines that fill those places. Yet, ask any younger person and they will say things like, "I'd rather die than take all those medications every day".

Time always seems to change our minds though. As a chiropractor, my father believes in natural healing. He doesn't believe in maintenance medications. In his mind, all ailments can either be cured or will eventually kill you. My mother fought the doctor's recommendation of using insulin to control her diabetes as long as she could. She believed she could keep it under control using diet and exercise. Only problem was, she loved her ice cream and never in her life did exercise for the sake of exercising.

Back to my father. He had avoided even visiting a medical doctor most his life. He referred to them as quacks that only wanted the kick-backs from the pharmaceutical companies. You see, as a child, his parents had him immunized against things like polio and other diseases of the 1920's. He had a severe reaction at the site of the shot and was close to losing his arm all together. An experimental procedure for transplanting and grafting bone tissue from his leg to his arm managed to save him from the inevitable amputation that was pending. The surgery worked, but he never liked medical doctors again. He also insisted that no child of his would get immunized and go through the things he did as a small child. When his sister's husband introduced him to the fairly new idea of chiropractic medicine, he was intrigued.

My mother was raised in a house filled with Native American remedies and also was very interested in this more natural way of healing.

When my mother eventually needed more care than we could give her, we moved them into assisted living. The veterans administration offers monetary assistance for these types of places but require a doctor's evaluation of both the veteran and spouse. It was at that evaluation that we found that Dad had three leaky heart valves and was in just as much duress as Mom. He wanted to be able to take care of her, so he agreed to taking "vitamins" to help him deal with his heart condition. He's come to the realization that half of the things he takes are in fact medications. Parkinson's and Alzheimer's have contributed to even more medication. And he's grown accustom even to having help around the house to take care of him.

All this led me to wonder. I wondered when it turns from "I'll take a Tylenol for my headache" to daily maintenance medications. I'm starting to think the real "gateway drug" is aspirin. Then they scare us into "Take this every day....... OR DIE!" Next thing you know, we've got a cocktail like nothing we ever enjoyed as a young adult. A cocktail of medication. A cocktail of drugs.

No Arizona

I've been absent from blogger for a while now and it really is not due to a lack of things to write about. Each day, I am surrounded by reminders that we live in an amazing world that beckons us to come and explore. Explore everything from the far reaches of distant continents to your own corner of the world. Some days I hear the stories of people that were well traveled and other days I hear of the old lady that never left her home town. One 94 year old had never even seen a need for a driver's licence. Her whole life centered around a few square blocks. I enjoy these stories. I love to hear of how others live. One thing that bothers me is when people never take the time to live their own lives. They do everything for someone else or even wait for someone else to do everything for them.

I'm reminded of  a country song by Jamie O'Neal. The story goes like this;
He promised her a new and better life, out in Arizona
Underneath the blue never ending sky, swore that he was gonna
Get things in order, he'd send for her.
When he left her behind, it never crossed her mind,
There is no Arizona.

She got a postcard with no return address, postmarked Tombstone
It said "I don't know where I'm going next but when I do
I'll let you know"
May, June, July she wonders why
She's still waiting, she'll keep waiting

Each day the sun sets into the west
Her heart sinks lower in her chest and
Friends keep asking when she's going
Finally she tells them
Don't you know....
There is no Arizona
No Painted Desert, no Sedona
If there was a Grand Canyon
She could fill it up with the lies he's told her
But they don't exist, those dreams he sold her
She'll wake up and find
There is no Arizona

What am I trying to say?
For this young lady, it doesn't matter if there is an Arizona or not.
For her, it doesn't exist.
She counted on someone else to take her there.
She waited for her life to begin.
Did she neglect her friends in hopes of leaving?
How did that make her friends feel?

We all have our responsibilities and I'm in no way saying that we should ignore those.
At the same time, I have to ask myself if my responsibilities are valid or are they excuses?
Is there something that I should be doing to get to that point in my life where I feel like I am fulfilling my life?

Not that I need to validate my absence. But I consider you all my friends so I'll tell you my reasons.
With the expansion of the business, I have been putting in countless hours promoting and trying to get all the vehicles moving on the road. I've also been spending many of my evenings with my father. We are so fortunate to still have him in our lives and I don't want to regret not spending more time with him. Many days are not so good and it's all he can do to get up and dressed. I'm happy to say that Sunday, the weather was beautiful. Around 50 degrees and sunny. For March in Michigan, we could not waste a day like that. So we loaded Dad into the car and went to the park for a walk. We then headed over to the pool hall where we had his 89th birthday party a couple of months ago and shot a couple of games. Next we headed to my house where he visited with Pugsley and played some cards. He was very alert the whole day, but then slept quite well that night.
All my efforts lately are not wasted and certainly would not be considered an excuse. Although sometimes it seems like I'm spinning my wheels, not getting anywhere, my end goals are always within sight. And I expect to continue to explore this big beautiful world. I ask that those of you that are still with me, hang in there and be prepared to see a whole lot more of the brighter side of the grave.

Revelations

No, I'm not going to start quoting text from the Bible here. From time to time though, I plan on revealing a little more about me. About how I've come to love and appreciate the world that we all live in.
I find the spam comments that I know we all get to be annoying. Blogger does a great job of keeping most of them from ever hitting the comment section. But still, daily I am checking a few of them just to make sure that my readers do not have to be subjected to them. It's so annoying that I've even contemplated eliminating the blog.
I'll publish some of my thoughts and get bombarded again with more spam comments. It really makes me want to stop. But then I think of the great readers and commenters that are honestly reading and commenting  their true opinions. I love to inspire thought. And I enjoy being able to use this format for sharing my life with friends and total strangers. But a couple of days will go by and I won't have posted anything. It's not that I don't have entertaining things to say. It's just a matter of forming new habits. Habits that don't include sitting down and typing.
 As Albert Einstein once said, "Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance, you must keep moving."  This is the time of year when many of us in the Northern Hemisphere, find ourselves with a touch of cabin fever. It's rare that we get to go outside and do the things we love. And even inside, we tend to find ourselves curled up with a favorite blanket and a remote rather than doing something productive. These writing exercises are more productive and challenging than many of you may even know because I have been affected by dyslexia since I was a child. So when I start getting into one of those habits of not blogging, it seems to perpetuate.

I start to notice in my everyday life that words and numbers start to look more like what you see here....

So you see, writing to you all and even reading your blogs, is a challenge for me. A challenge that I accept with open arms. I see my condition as a gift. I am able to overcome this challenge by doing some simple exercises with my eyes and brain. Things that I know the average person never has to deal with. And by simply reading things on a daily basis, I know that I have accomplished more than most. That makes me feel pretty darn good.
And you all know that I love to share all the crazy things that happen here.
I plan to keep moving. Moving forward, expanding the content and opening up more about the world that I see. The world that I live in. The world that I appreciate probably more than I should.
So spammers or not, this blog lives on. Lives on, on The Brighter Side, of the Grave.

Triumph !

On my mind today is the people stranded on the Carnival Cruise ship, Triumph, in the Gulf of Mexico. With limited power on board and many luxury services  halted, these poor people are stuck out on the seas. Food is being rationed and there are lines at the restrooms. One woman reports having to eat an onion and cucumber sandwich. People with cabins that do not open onto the sea air, are pitching tents on the top deck to avoid the sweltering heat down below.
The problem started with an engine fire that was quickly extinguished. It did however, cause a loss of power and the ship is operating on emergency generators and is virtually dead in the water. Drifting slowly to the North, it was decided to continue that path with the help of a couple of tow boats to get it to port in Alabama. The situation is far from ideal. For some, this vacation is something that they have saved for years to be able to afford. Now, being stranded at sea, they will have to change travel plans and possibly be late returning to work. No one would ever want to be in their shoes.
As I plan my big vacation this year, I have to recognize that I am booked on a Carnival Cruise. On the ship that replaced the one that is stranded at sea.
This year, my Eddy is celebrating a rather large birthday. A milestone, without a doubt. So in celebration of reaching this point in life, we decided to take yet another cruise. This time, we will be starting our trip in Boston, Massachusetts. We'll be visiting ports north of there in Maine, New Brunswick, and Nova Scotia. I won't give too many details at this point, just to keep you in suspense. But I must say that we are both looking forward to the trip. Along the way we will be meeting up with new friends and old. And putting faces and voices to some Internet friends too. We'll experience some thrills and get some much needed rest.
To relate that to the ill-fated ship in the Gulf, no matter what happens, I know we'll make the best of our trip. I also recognize that we will be traveling in the same waters that the SS Titanic was traversing back in 1912. And I am confident in modern technology to get me home safely. I know that if anyone on that ship was in real danger, the US Navy and Coast Guard would be there in an instant to save them. Is it uncomfortable? Yes, I think it must be. Is anyone in any danger? NO! Only inconvenienced. I hope that they arrive in Alabama sooner than expected and all in good spirits. And a note to anyone on that ship; if any of you don't want your free travel vouchers, email me and we'll work out a trade.

More than a Man

Let me tell you a story.

A story of a man that lived life on his own terms.

He never quite fit in to common life.

After suffering a small brain injury as a child,

he never recovered fully and thus lived his life a little different than most.

He never finished school.

There was no way to even get him to stay in the building.

He was always looking for a way to get out of doing 

"what he was supposed to do"

and choosing to  take the more adventurous route.

He took to his little brother right away.

Despite the ten years that separated them,

he always found ways to include him in the fun.

Here's a shining example.

Despite his brother's fear of horses as   a child,

he helped him to overcome his fears and concur this beast of a pony.

Note, the brother is holding on to him, not the pony.

That little brother is my husband, Edward. This man that I'm telling you about, is his brother. 

Eric, or Rick as we knew him, hitched a ride on the frieght train to heaven on Wednesday, January 2, 2013. 

Just 25 days shy of his 60th birthday.

I took this shot of him last summer. It captures so much of his loving personality. He possessed a great love for nature, animals, music and, all things trains.

He could play a piano or guitar by ear after hearing a song only once. Always by his side was one of his trusty canine side-kicks and many friends.

He would make friends anywhere he went, with the most unlikely of people.

One might see him as a bit odd at first, but once you let yourself know him, you would love him.

He belonged to that elite group of Port Huron's eccentrics and everyone seemed to know who he was.

 He chose a life a bit different than most.
At a young age, he ran away from home
To be found living in a shack roughly constructed of waste material at
the train yard.
It wasn't until his father bought a house across from the switching station, that Rick decided to move "home".
Home as he knew it, started with a tent in the wooded acreage
behind the house. Eventually moving into an old milk truck and then a discarded camper. Time would reveal to him an old mobile home or two and then more campers. As each residence filled with things that made him happy, he'd move on to something else.

A few years ago, he had a health scare and I volunteered to clean his place up to help make his life a little easier and nicer. The doctors told us then that he would not live more than a month or so. So, we wanted it to be nice. A few months later, he'd totally trashed what I had done and made it more comfortable in his eyes. His home was open to anyone and anything that happened into it. On any given day, you could find mice or even rats sharing in the dogs food. He would feed the birds of all kinds. And it was nothing for him to lay down in the woods and fall asleep.

 It must have been what he needed because he managed to squeeze 6 more years out of life.

Each time that doctors told him to do something, he'd do just the opposite. He'd rather live one month his way than years, their way.

While I could never live the way he chose, I've learned so much from this man. I've grown to respect him and his ways. With that, I've grown to accept and respect everyone that I meet. We are all doing the best we can with what we have to work with. And who are we to tell someone how to live their life?

If there was ever a shining example of Godliness, it was Rick Borowski.
I hope that I can implement into my life, the lessons that I've learned from this incredible man.
He will truly be missed.