Nobody said this would be easy

Death is never easy. We've all heard that before. It not only brings a life to an end but it changes those that have been left to live on.

Since I work in the funeral business, you'd think I would be used to death. But daily, I see people's lives changed forever. It can be difficult to watch as families and friends cope with their loss. At the time of death, there is so much to take care of that it is difficult to grieve in a healthy way. Whatever traditions your family may have, must be adhered to. Wishes are met with the best of our ability. On our side of the table, there are forms to be filled out and filed, caskets to be ordered and a multitude of people to coordinate. Obituaries have to be written and emailed to the newspapers and information needs to be uploaded to websites. I am so fortunate to work with several of the industries finest. We make it all happen with no effort from the families at all.

When a death occurs, there seems to be a plethora of help surrounding you. Friends and family appear out of nowhere. They all want to help, and they do.

It's was May of 2011 when my mother died. And July of 2013 when my father followed in her footsteps. At those times, I dove in and did what I do best. I had a great support system in place on both sides of the table. But here it is, February 2014, and we've dispersed our separate ways. In many ways, I appreciate the fact that I am now able to start living my own life, independent of any ties. But there are times when I also don't know where to turn next. I don't know what my goals in life look like anymore. Just last night, in the middle of the night, I awoke choking on my own tears. I've never felt so lost and alone.

I'm not writing this to get sympathy from anyone. I am writing this as a reminder to anyone that has known someone that has experienced a close death, to be there for your friends and family. Sometimes, it's when you haven't heard from them in a while that they really need you the most. Even though it's been many months since losing my father and years since losing my mother, I still need someone to lean on at times. And I know that I am not alone. I know that many of you reading this have experienced the same things that I am going through and I hope that you have people around you that support you in any way they can. And likewise, we need to be there for them. This is one of the many reasons we have our friends and family in our lives. We should be there for each other in good times and in bad times.

I know I will get through this. Sometimes, when we look back at the trail we've tread, it's actually hard to believe we were scared or confused, or as uncertain as we were. Yet, we still rocked it. Remember that next time we feel scared, confused or uncertain. Call up that friend we haven't heard from in a while and we'll make it through. I will make it through. I have some amazing friends.

Reconnecting with the Past

I don't believe in burning bridges and hold no one responsible for me not enjoying my youth other than myself. I understand that we each were doing the best we could with what we had at the time.

At a time when I'm trying to put the past behind me and move forward in my life, I find it funny that lately there has been a flood of people from my childhood looking to reconnect with me.

I believe that there is a force in the universe that guides us to a certain extent. So I'm thinking there is probably a reason for all of these connections. I've yet to figure out what those reasons might be. But I'm willing to venture down that road so long as it doesn't lead me back to that dark place from where I came.

When I visited Arkansas a year and a half ago, it was so I might pay my respects to my past and put it behind me. I've done a good job of that. Now I've filed the good memories from my youth and taken a giant step forward in moving into the future.

So for all of you from my past, welcome. I know that we have all grown in different ways. And know that our separation over the years was nothing personal. I accept each of you for who you have become and hope that you can do the same with me. If not, it's been great reconnecting with you and I wish you nothing but Love in your future. Feel free to stalk my blog and see what I've been up.

If you are a loyal blog follower and you are patiently waiting for my return, I can tell you that I am healing well and working toward returning very soon. Thank you for your patience.