Perception

I never knew my grandparents on my mother's side. When my mother was eleven years old, her father moved her and her mother to Detroit to start a new job. Her older brothers were both off fighting in World War 2.

As most people were in 1945, they were poor and looking for work anywhere they could. Her mother had found employment driving military trucks from Detroit, where they were made, to destinations all over the country. Her father found work in a small Detroit factory.

This world was evolving a little too fast for this man from Northern Michigan. Just the thought of the new trains traveling at " a mile-a-minute " scared him enough to leave his job with the railroad and make the move to Detroit.

He was Native American and believed this world was in trouble the way things were going. He was also very superstitious. There were just some things he would not do because of his combination of beliefs. One of his biggest fears was the day, Friday the thirteenth. He did not like to even set foot out the door on that day. He said, "No good could come from it"

It was August 1945 and the thirteenth was approaching. He told his new employer that he would not be able to work that day being that it was also a Friday. His boss replied by telling him that if he didn't show up, then he could forget about his job all together.

The night of the twelfth, he dreamed of white horses trampling over him. He awoke many times in the night sweating and catching his breath from "running from the horses". The morning of the thirteenth finally came. He sat at the table drinking his coffee and explaining to my grandmother that he had seen his own death. She comforted him and made him some oatmeal. He refused to eat it, saying his stomach was too upset.

As he walked out the door, his wife called to him saying that he'd forgotten his lunch pail. He responded telling her that he "would be going home before lunch".

At 9:45am on Friday, August 13, 1945 there was a freak explosion involving chemicals and a heat source that instantly leveled the front of the factory and set the remainder ablaze. After the fire department extinguished the flames, my grandfather could not be located. It was hours later when a newspaper delivery boy came up to a fireman and told him there was a black man sitting against the back door of the small factory. Upon investigation, they found it was in fact a Native American, not a "black man". He'd squatted down to smoke his pipe on his first break of the day when a burst of flames engulfed him from inside the factory. My grandfather never saw it coming except for the white horses the night before.

This ability to "see" things has been handed down in our family. My mother claims that when her brother had an accident in California, she was awakened by her mother, that had died many years prior, and told of it. Only to have the phone ring a couple hours later with the official news. And when my cousin was killed in an auto accident, there were several of us that knew before we were told. I have one sister that seems to be very connected to "the other side". She's learned to deal with it the best she can.

Then there is me...
From an early age, I have seen people that no one else seems to see. They always seem lost or surprised that I was looking at them. I've never been afraid of any of them. There has always been a peacefulness about the whole experience. None have ever startled me, until one evening a few years ago.

Seventeen years ago, I had my house built. There was never a house here before. Only a farm field. The nearest cemetery is over a mile away. There has never been a death in my house other than a cat, rabbit and the occasional house plant. I have never experienced anything at any of the funeral homes that I work at and never had my work "follow me home".

So there I was at the kitchen sink. My dog Pugsley was laying by the front door. You can see the door from the kitchen so we could keep an eye on each other. Suddenly he started growling. It was a warning type growl. I asked him what was the matter and as I turned too see him, there between us stood a familiar young man with a long face. He seemed very sad. I couldn't quite place where I knew him from. Startled, I tried to refocus, thinking that I was seeing things. That's when he disappeared. Pugsley came running to me very scared and was uneasy the rest of the night.

It was about a week later when the young man returned. This time, I was alone in my home office. I was working on the computer and could sense someone standing behind me. When I turned, I knew exactly who it was.

Years earlier, I lost a good friend to suicide. He'd called me at work wanting to talk. When I told him I couldn't talk and that I'd come over after work, I had no idea it was the last time, I'd hear his voice. I blamed myself for not being able to be there for him. I carried that blame around for more than twenty years. That night, through my brief encounter with him on that second evening, alone in my office, I was able to put that guilt to rest. His problems were his own. There was nothing that I could have done. As hard as we perceived it to be to handle his death, it's what needed to happen for everything to be just the way it is today. He was able to release me from my guilt and I was able to forgive him. I'm very fortunate to have had that experience and I'm happy that I am better experienced to help when someone else is going through the pain of suicide.

I believe that we each create our own world. That we let people instill fear in us. We almost welcome it. My grandfather created a life of fear for himself. While he had nothing to do with the explosion that took his life, he created the world around him that took him out the back door to smoke his pipe, instead of joining the other workers down the street for coffee. He lived in fear of the Great War and died two days before it ended.

My friend let others in his life lead him to believe that he was no good. He called me that night before his death because I was good to him. He needed some love. But sometimes people don't reach out. Sometimes, they just want to disappear. So we all need to show our love to our friends and family the best way we can. We don't all get that second chance to say what we need to say. So we better get it right the first time, or keep trying.

Finally, I was reminded today of an analogy. It says that most people think that perception is like a flashlight in the dark, illuminating whatever it is aimed at. The truth, however, is that instead of revealing what is there, it creates it.
Your perception of the world, creates your world.
If that's true, then why not perceive something nice. And then share with others, your amazing world.

Anthocyanin

In wondering about the early color change of the primary maple tree in our yard, I did a little research to find out why some trees turn earlier and why there are all the different colors. We have had a lot of rain the last month or so with the path that this season's hurricanes took across the country. When one came up through the South and the other went up the East coast, the first one couldn't go anywhere. It sat on top of us for nearly a week. As it spun around, the Great Lakes seem to fuel it enough water to keep it going indefinitely until the coast was clear (pun intended) and it could move on out of here. All that water has given the trees here an unusual autumn life. While they typically would be turning brown and getting ready for winter, they have seen a new life. Now that we are experiencing cooler nights and bright sunny days, we are gearing up for quite a show.
Although the annual show of color is a visual treat for humans, it serves a very practical purpose. As trees prepare for the onset of winter, they leech the sugars and nutrients from their leaves, in essence moving valuable sustenance to their protected insides so they can stay alive through the cold and dark of the coming season.


As nutrients are sucked out, the leaves gradually lose their rich green color, fading to the familiar fall colors of yellow and gold.
However, the rich reds on display in autumn are a different story. As summer wanes, some tree species manufacture a substance called anthocyanin, which helps them winterize. Anthocyanin is the same substance that lends red cabbage its purplish hue, and turns leaves crimson and scarlet. In addition to moisture, temperature is also one of the drivers of fall color. Specifically, variation in temperature.


Ideal conditions for bright displays would be sunny, warm days and cold nights. It's that alternating that promotes the production of the anthocyanin pigment. We have certainly seen our share of alternating warm and cold here in Michigan this year as well as extra moisture. We've also seen a lot of wind out of the North. So the fact that our second tree is on the South side and protected from the wind by many other trees could very well be why we have seen no change in it yet. Even the burning bush has had only a few leaves turn red. Now, there's a brilliant display each autumn.


We've also seen an extra growth of lawn weeds this season. They seem to pop up over night and be 3 feet tall by mid-day.


This has been an exceptional year for the area apple orchards and the coming frost should bring us a wealth of my favorite, the granny smith.  You can just smell the autumn in the air. But it will have to wait for a bit as we are forcast to be in the 80's all weekend with cool nights. It's going to be a pretty one!

Driving

OK, I'll never be this "in to" my music while driving the hearse.

Unless ABBA comes on my mp3 player.

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Where does it come from?

In relation to my last post and a few other blogs that I follow, I thought I'd continue with this thought....

Where does the bullying come from?
In my line of work, we deal daily with people that have suffered a loss. A sympathetic ear and comforting words and actions, are what we do best. However, I have my secondary job in retail. Over the years I have seen many "bosses" come and go. Some are a pleasure to work for. Others you dread when their name is mentioned. What's the difference? How they go about getting their job done. They both have to set goals and try to achieve them. The first kind of boss will give you a goal along with the necessary tools to get to the desired results. The other will tell you what your goal is and expect you to get it done. Granted, you are hired to do a job and should be competent enough to figure it out. Where the trouble comes in is how it is presented.

We recently had a change in middle management in our company. The contrast between the old and new district managers (DM) is enormous. The new DM sends out emails that say things like "This MUST be done by Monday!" or "This is unacceptable!". While these statement may be true, I think there are better ways to get your team on board with your goals. We never received emails like that from the old DM. Both styles get the results eventually. But the fact is, we are now being bullied into getting the work done. If you ask me, this perpetuates. If you have someone yelling at you all day, you are going to go home and yell at your kids...." You have to mow the lawn!" or "Take that trash out!" The child then learns to yell at his/her friends to get whatever they want. And when someone doesn't fit with what they see as normal, they tend to call that to every one's attention.

In my opinion, yelling gets you no where. And an exclamation point in an email, constitutes yelling. So does ALL CAPITAL LETTERS. This style of management should not be tolerated by the corporate world. It is surprising to me that it is let go. It's an email. It can be forwarded to anyone and saved for evidence against you. Why do we put up with it? Because we let them intimidate us. We let them push us around.

This is a form of bullying. It's a grown up version, but bullying all the same. We should expect that the children will take what they learn from us and give it an immature twist.

Even our corporate policy on diversity at the store is forced on us instead of embraced. The fact that if you're "caught" saying something against someone you can be terminated, is a threat. Instead we should be taught by example. What I've learned, is that some people don't understand examples. If it's not a rule or a threat, than they just don't understand.

So, how do I cope with the bullying at work?
I apply my skills from my other job. I understand that these people are acting the only way they know how. I don't fight back. I show them "my way" whenever I can. It's rare that I make any noise and cause a commotion. And if I can effect even just one other person, then I have done my job.

Do we need to fire those at the top that are bullying us?
No. We need to show them there are other ways. By being that example, it's likely that we will go far. And if your company decides to side with the bully, then perhaps there's someplace better out there for your skills.

I believe that this is where bullying comes from. It's become so commonplace in our world that no one even notices it. And they don't see that our kids are learning it.
Email, text, tweets and any other electronic ways of communicating can be impersonal for those making the comments. It's rare that they would say something like that to your face. But for the person on the receiving end, it can be taken even harder than the spoken word. It can be read over and over until you actually start to believe it. It hurts.

Laws will not change this. We just need to stop teaching the kids that this is how to get things done.
Lead by example.