Tuesday, August 3, 2010

The scariest funeral ever

It was a beautiful funeral for a very nice 86 year old woman. All her relatives and closest friends had gathered to pay tribute. At the end of the service, a musical rendition of the Lords Prayer was played. Soon everyone filed out to the parking lot where I had arranged all the cars neatly to proceed to the cemetery. Then the pallbearers carried the powder blue metal casket containing their beloved mother, grandmother or aunt slowly out to the waiting hearse (my  hearse). When everyone was in their cars and all the lights turned on, we took our places in the lead car and hearse. That's when I realized, the hearse won't start!!!!!!

A look of panic came over my face as I calmly rushed up to the director. When he realized that I was not joking, his mind began to scramble. In no time at all, we had the van on back up and jumper cables on the way from an employees car. The next problem was that we didn't know how to jump a Cadillac. The battery is located under the rear deck.... (under the casket). When suddenly out of nowhere, a guardian angel appeared. The deceased woman's neighbor was a master mechanic and knew exactly how to jump start the high-tech beast. After a minute of charging from the directors car, the hearse started right up.

At the cemetery, we left the hearse running, just in case. I heard the family joking that their mother didn't want to go to the cemetery and that she always got the last laugh. Well know this Mrs. , that wasn't funny!
Rest assured future dead people, everything is fixed and running smoothly and I won't fall for that twice.


Jabacue said...

How lucky were you Stew to have someone there to help! I would have freaked. I'm sure you couldn't believe what was happening....maybe a bad dream.

sophie said...

LMAO...that is too perfect...yes she was laughing and winking 'until the cows came home'.
Stew..I will be careful with the seaglass stuff, but I'm such a hard player that I'd never know if I stepped on anything sharp.

AJ-OAKS said...

Even though it wasn't funny to you, it really was funny.
You might find this funny. My Aunt was always late to everything. Late for dinner. Late for appointments. Just always late. The joke was that when she passed on she would be late for her own funeral. Well, six years ago she passed away. Everyone was in the procession following the hearse. We all had to cross a bridge which meant stopping at the toll booths. As the cars filed through and started across the bridge, we all realized the hearse was nowhere to be seen. So, everyone pulled over to the side of the bridge searching for the hearse. A police officer knocked on the window and told us we couldn't stop on the bridge. After explaining what had happened he started looking for the hearse. After about ten minutes the hearse drove on by. When we all finally reached the cemetary we laughed hysterically remembering how it was said she would be late for her own funeral.

sophie said...

Too funny AJ!

Stew said...

AJ, I've never gotten lost on a bridge, but I have had issues with a ferry boat.