Monday, November 17, 2014

Negative Influences

Growing up in the United Penticostal Church as a gay man, I had a lot of suppressed emotions. As I've aged, I have found that there is a lot of negativity that comes in growing up that way. As one friend explains it, they have a list of Do's and Don'ts that consist of a whole lot of Don'ts. Having come to terms with myself and educating myself about the laws of nature and humanity, I've been working the last few years to better myself in a more positive way. To live my life in a way that is more accepting of the diversity around me. But yet, surrounding myself with positive influences and eliminating the negative influences of my life.

Many conditions can drain or waste your vital energy. Examples are boring routines, excessive indulgence, guilt and self blame. These are all things that were prevalent in my life but are also obvious and so they need no further discussion. Instead, I will focus on something that is poisonous , subtle and often underestimated.

One of the most destructive sources of energy drainage is negative people. These people surrounded me as a child and young adult. Their pessimistic words and attitudes can kill you, both figuratively and literally. They can shut off your vision of hope and expectancy, emphasize fear and doubt, and focus on the ugly and sad. Expose your dreams to them, and you may never dream again.

You should love people with all your heart. But choose wisely the ones with whom you share your time with. Negativity manifest in a variety of shapes and forms. You may see it in any or all of these forms

* Cursing
* Gossip
* Fear
* Low self-esteem
* Unforgiven wrongs
* Envy or Grudge
* Regret
* Procrastination

Think about the 10 people that you spend the most time with and compare them against those eight items listed above. Don't be surprised if the people that you are closest to have some or all of the qualities listed. It is important to carefully and systematically reduce the amount of time that you spend with those negative influences.

I'm not saying to separate from your marital partner or close relatives. In those cases, we must show kindness, avoid arguments and NEVER expose your dreams to them.

You may be tempted to remain in the company of those that are negative because you hope to turn them positive. If you want to help a negative friend or relative, you must first work on yourself and your dreams. Gain some victories in your life. Then, you can reach back with strength and compassion, and lift your loved one. If you try to remain with the negative influences, they will only keep you from ever achieving your goals or helping them.

Now think about the ten most positive people or groups that you know that you would like to have as a regular part of your life. Regardless of how you know them. Start contacting them. Carefully develop relationships with them. Be sure that you have something to bring to the relationship and that you are not just using them for your advantage. Feed and nurture these positive relationships. Associate with leaders in your profession or area of interest. Find people who are moving forward. Your growth demands that you avoid regressive forces that seek to complain, assign blame, or forecast doom.

There are many people in my industry that look at increased cremation rates as the demise of the funeral industry. I like to surround myself with people who see it simply as a change, and that we all need to change with the times instead of burying our heads in the sand.

I will let you digest this information and we will come back to this subject in the near future.


MorningAJ said...

How interesting that you see cursing as a sign of negativity. I always see it as a safe way to release pent-up anger. I associate bans on swearing with the sort of people who want to ban any other kind of variety - like tattoos and men wearing pink shirts. It goes with the 'not nice' description that actually translates as the 'not like us' of middle-class England. The forbidders can't actually tell you what's wrong with what you're doing, only that they don't like it.
This could turn into a whole post!

Unknown said...

I am referring to people who can't complete a sentence without cursing or perhaps don't even know a nice way to say something here.
I know of the goody, goody types that you write of here. I grew up with them. They are some of the most negative folks I know and I have distanced myself from them.

MorningAJ said...

I've done a post about this on my blog. People seem to think I'm having a go at you. I hope you understand what I'm trying to say. I think you will. X

House of Bears said...

I procrastinate far too much, swear often and have low self esteem, but I'd say I'm a positive person ( as do trusted friends who I know give honest opinions. ) i guess it's a case of having all of the above traits for a majority of the time, rather than a few, some of the time.

A very interesting post, and I do agree with the overall message, to surround yourself with as much positivity as possible is something I hope most of us would strive for, in our own day to day lives and in our friendships. I think that's one of the reasons I deleted my Facebook account, I was spending far too long scrolling through pointless negativity and depressing myself with countless visits to pages that had no meaning or purpose to me.

I've never commented on a stranger's blog post before but I enjoyed reading your post. I usually readcraft blogs but I'll be back to read more.