Rewrite

Like most of us, it's easier for me to see my own flaws than my good qualities. My whole life, I've been teased about being too skinny. While that is probably true, I see things a bit differently. I see my sagging chest and a little roll to my gut. And most of all, I see my lack of chin definition. For my entire life, I've seen this as "Who I Am". I never saw any of that as something that I could change. I even tried to convince myself that I was accepting " who I am ".

You see, it was programmed into me at a very young age. First, came the food. We learn to eat what our parents feed us. We form habits and preferences before we even know it. I had food allergies from an early age as well that helped to form my self image.

And activity plays a key roll in it all too. I've always been pretty active. But never considered myself physical. Friends and family reinforced the thoughts that I had of myself. I would have no fear to try something new. But was always dismissed when I wasn't very good at it. One winter, I remember trying ice skating and found that my ankles kept rolling to the side and I couldn't stand up. I was told that my ankles were weak and was given a pair of double-bladed training skates. Well, that only brought on teasing from the neighborhood kids. I decided that I would rather never ice skate again, than to be picked on for having funny looking skates.

My sister was always athletic. She's the type that wanted to play baseball with the boys rather than be stuck playing softball with the girls. Mom always backed her on any of the athletic challenges that she decided to tackle. I was tagged along, told to sit quietly and cheer her on. I did play little-league baseball for a couple of years. I was always the one that was stuck in right field and never allowed to shine. I ended up hating baseball, still do. After being teased relentlessly, one practice, I swung the bat and hit the ball over the fence. I then dropped the bat and walked home over a mile. No one could believe it and my mother asked me why I played if I didn't like it. But I felt forced to do it. Forced to live up to the example being set for me by my older siblings.

In High School, I decided that this skinny kid would be great at swimming. So, I tried out for the swim team. I won't pretend that I was all that great. But everyone seemed to look up to me for the first time in my life. I stuck with swimming for over a year. But I always felt, less important than my other siblings. Mainly because no one from my family ever showed up to watch me race. Not one! I eventually quit that and never looked back. Many years later, I asked my mother why she never came to see me swim. She said, "When were you on the swim team?" But, in her defense, she underwent a major heart surgery,  the year I was on the team. Still, I was a developing young man with no support from home.

I'm not telling you all of this to have you feel sorry for me. I'm not telling you this because it's who I am. I am telling you this because it's who I used to be. In the years following the deaths of my parents, I have struggled with finding who I am. Many people go through something similar. Working in the funeral business, I thought I understood what people went through after the loss of a loved one. I was wrong!

I have emerged the other side of this fog known as grief, a stronger man. Stronger mentally and physically. I have redefined who I am. I used to joke that I was the fattest skinny guy ever. I wasn't fat, I know that. I was out of shape. My upbringing taught me to accept who I was without question. But never once did I stop to ask myself who that was. I now have found my voice. I've found my inner self. I no longer look at something and think "I can't". Because, I can! I can do anything I desire.

I have trimmed down and toned up. Sure, I've lost a little weight. But I've gained so much more. I've gained confidence, pride, and self respect. I've let go of feelings that were holding me back and welcomed challenges that push me further than I ever imagined.

Life is meant to live. It's meant to explore. My advice to anyone reading this, is to find out who you are, and be you. Who ever you are, no one else can do it better than you can. Some say that life is hard. It's not. Some say life is easy. It's not. Some say life is lonely, tricky or a test. It's not.

Life is only a reflection. A reflection of whatever you say and do. Did you ever think, "What if this is all a dream and someday I will wake up"? Well, what if it is? What if you have the ability to steer this dream any way you like? Well, you do. I do. 

A Desert Retreat

I stumbled across this a while ago and absolutely love it.
As a designer myself, I feel that a building should reflect the area around it and those that  occupy it. This project by Phillip K Smith in Joshua Tree California truly reflects it's surroundings and encompasses his artistry. Enjoy....

A New Normal

On every death certificate that we file, it is required that we list a cause of death. If there are multiple reasons that added up to the impending doom, they must be listed in order of how they came to affect the outcome and how long the person had suffered from each ailment. I know that society thinks that these things are important. There are a constant stream of lawyers on daytime television that encourage us to lay blame on someone else and collect money for their negligence. Now, sometimes a bread-winner for the family is taken and the family is left struggling to supply minimum daily requirements. So I can see where such things are necessary. The loss of a loved one can be tragic, I know. It changes your whole life. Everything that you know has a new normal. Nothing will ever be the same.

Recently a friend telephoned me to inform me that his father had died. Devastating news, no doubt. My heart poured out to my friend and his family. It hasn't been that long since my own mother and father passed away and my friend was there for me and my family in our time of change. There is nothing that can prepare you for the loss of a parent. In fact, my first response after hanging up, was to call my mother who was friends with my friend's father. You never really get used to them not being there.

My friend is a doctor and had told me that his father had called to say that he was coming in because he wasn't feeling well. Then on the way to the office, was in a car accident and died just a few hours later. While visiting with my friend's mother, she emphatically insisted that he died in a car accident. Let me state that I have not seen the death certificate. But regardless of what it says, I wonder if it matters.

I'm not just talking about this one case either. My friends father was 84 years old. He had lived a great life, giving life to seven wonderful children of his own and many grandchildren. He lived his whole life for those children. He was a kind, loving man that all the neighborhood kids loved. He lived the life that he wanted to live and taught those around him to enjoy their own lives. Why must we place blame on how he died, instead of celebrating that he lived.

We are each given a life to live. We are distributed our challenges to cope with. It is our decisions along the way that build our tomorrows and shape the lives of those that depend upon us. Why isn't it enough that we have lived. My own parents were met with many challenges over their time on earth. It was their choices that got them to where they were. It was their choices that helped to shape me and my brothers and sisters into what we have become. Could they have made different decisions that would have worked out better in one way or another? Of course! But it was their lives to live and I am glad that they made those choices along the way.

Life is going to be different for my friend's mother. Daily life has changed immensely. All I'm saying is to be grateful for all the years that they had. Celebrate what they made together. Know that each moment in the future has been shaped by those moments of the past. Believe whatever you want about the afterlife, just don't forget to enjoy the present life while we have it.

Bigger than an Iphone 6

Many times in the last few months I have felt that I really missed sharing my thoughts with the world through this blog. Several times I've gone back over some of the post that I've done and wondered what direction, if any, I was taking. These are my thoughts on the matter.

I often try to post things that I find inspirational. If you follow me on facebook, you may have noticed this too. Over there, I try to keep things short and simple. This is where I can come to finish a thought though. And for some reason, you all seem to care what I think. Thank you for that.

Many times, as well, this has been more of a travel log of sorts. Chronicling my many adventures.

At first, I did not see how these things all went together. It seemed a little random to me. But what I have found is that A Brighter Side of the Grave is all of these things. Life is about the adventures that we share. We share them with family and friends as they happen. And we share them over and over again, sometimes for years afterward, with people that we meet along life's way.
 With age, comes experience. And I love the fact that I have inspired several people to experience more than they ever thought possible simply by sharing my adventures and experiences.

I'm not a materialistic person. I don't need to surround myself with things. I don't need the latest and greatest gadgets. In fact, I usually let others work the bugs out before I invest in anything new. But, what I do love to spend money on is adventure. Sometimes we can plan for a year or more for an adventure. Some people call them vacations, others call them holidays. I call them adventures.

These adventures give us something to look forward to. As the day draws closer, we find ourselves getting excited. When we embark, we can hardly believe that it is happening. And when it is over, we have stories to tell for the rest of our lives. Sometimes we don't even know how great the adventure is until after it is done. Have you ever planned a beach vacation to have it rain every day that you are there? I did. Over a year of planning a trip to Cape Cod and it turned out to be the coldest wettest month of June in the history of Cape Cod weather. We threw on some jackets and went exploring anyway. It was a wonderful time and I wouldn't have changed anything. On the way home, we stopped in Plymouth. We had planned a cemetery tour in the evening. We contacted the tour guide who informed us that everyone else had cancelled but since we had traveled so far, if we wanted to continue, to meet her at Plymouth Rock. We did. She handed us some lanterns and led us to the cemetery. The sun set and as she was trying to spook us with her stories, the weather worsened. A cold wind was blowing and the rain was coming down sideways. I think our stories frightened her more than her stories, us. By the end, we were drenched and frozen. It was an experience I will never forget and wouldn't change for anything. Stories that will last longer than any Iphone 6.

It is life's adventures that keep me going. I appreciate every second that I am given here on Earth. Sometimes those adventures are cloaked in the veil of every day work. But if you look closely, they are always there. In everything we do, there is adventure. And when you realize this, you will look forward to every day, not just your next vacation.

Just remember this, one of my favorite quotes by Mark Twain;
Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.

So, the adventure goes on....

Unsuspecting Souls

Do you remember this photo from early Spring?
This is a statue of Thomas A. Edison depicted as a boy, when he worked the railway between Port Huron and Mount Clemens, Michigan. It stands in front of a small museum at the border to Canada, almost directly under the Blue Water Bridges.

I've loved this statue since I first moved to Port Huron back in 1991. The setting couldn't be better. The craftsmanship is amazing. Crafted out of bronze, you can see every detail so vividly upon close inspection. The artist is a world renowned sculptor who has works of art in most major cities including Philadelphia,  Chicago, New York, Dallas, London and the list goes on and on. She's known for her sculptures but loves to craft from anything you can imagine. She lives here locally and quite modestly for the most part. Her husband is well known in the community as well and they both offer much back to the city that they call home.

I got a call from her yesterday. Her nephew is in town, taking a break from his studies at medical school and has invited a friend to stop in for the week. her nephew is Khristian and his girlfriend is Christine. Their friends that they invited are Christopher and Christina. It's very handy that you can say Chris, and they all answer (Or confusing). They awoke yesterday and discussed the arrival of their friends as they had breakfast on the veranda of the Grand Hotel on Mackinac Island. They wanted to impress their friends that had no idea of the wealth that they have. The friends were lured here saying that they had a small guest house they could stay in. Well, she called me wanting to know if I'd pick them up in the limo from the airport. Of course I said yes. Khris and Chris rode the 75 miles to Detroit Metro Airport with me, excited to surprise their friends. As I approached, you should have seen their eyes. Christopher is an X-Navy Seal, working his way through medical school and couldn't believe when his friend offered to fly him and his girlfriend to Michigan for summer break. As he's getting into the limo he says "I feel like I've won the lottery!" to which Khris replied, "You haven't seen anything yet".

During the long drive back, the two veterans dropped clues to what the newbies were in store for but never really told them the whole of it. So as we exited the freeway, the last exit before Canada, I offered to give them the 10 penny tour of town. Being from Texas, they were excited to see just how close we are to Canada. As we drove through downtown, I pointed out some key things and Khris pointed out his Aunt's studio and other things that his Uncle owns. Then I pulled the limo into the park that overlooks the Blue Water Bridges and the river that separates the US from Canada. I pointed out the lightship museum and there happened to be a freighter passing by as we drove through the park. We stopped at the statue of Thomas Edison and admired his Aunt's work before moving on to one of the many beautiful light houses that dot our shore where Lake Huron narrows into the St.Clair River.

Then we headed toward their accommodations for the week. As we drove along the riverfront, the newbies were admiring all the beautiful homes. They pointed to one of my friends homes and said "Wow! Look at that! This place is amazing!" Then I slowed the car before turning into their camp for the week and they both erupted into "Are you kidding me?! This is where we're staying?!"

The reply was of course, "NO, you are staying in the 1000sq ft artist studio/guesthouse, filled with antiques and a wonderful 1936 claw foot tub and there's an outdoor shower at the boathouse if you prefer that." I carried their bags through the main house and down the hill to the guesthouse as the new guest cried tears of joy. The sculptor walking with me explaining to me, "All the money in the world is nothing unless you can share it with the unsuspecting from time to time."

Some day, this young man and his girlfriend will be doctors and save peoples lives. Some day they will make a good living and have nice things. And some day, they are going to remember this week and pass it on to another unsuspecting soul. But today, they visited the Brighter Side.

An Honest Look

A couple days ago, I posted photos and thoughts about the death of the city that is 25 miles from my home. I know that it made quite an impact on those that have seen it.  The scene from the Packard Plant makes a person gasp in disbelief. That is not a bombed out building. That is what 50 years of neglect and vandalism looks like.

This image is an ideal photo of the beautiful city of Detroit as seen from Windsor, Ontario, Canada.

A picturesque image that falsely portrays a city full of life in the evening.

From the riverfront view in Hart Plaza even, it appears to be a city full of life and promise.

The fairly new addition of a new stadium for the Detroit Tigers and arena for the Lions, do their best to bring the suburbanites back to the city. It looks amazing in this photo. But when you zoom in to street level, you see the beggers and dealers following the game-goers to their cars. Along Woodward avenue is wonderful things like the historic Fox Theatre, Orchestra Hall, several museums and a first class hospital network. But get one block in any direction and the picture changes.

You are about to see the real Detroit.

These photos will rip your heart from your chest.

They are very real.

In many cities, after a neighborhood takes a turn for the worst,

thrifty buyers will come in and fix up the old historic homes.

That is not going to be the case in Detroit.

The future for even this once grand entertainment hall does not look well.

Look closely and you will see laundry hanging to dry from a second story window at this condemned apartment building.

The streets are lined with rubble and garbage in front of what used to be thriving businesses.

These sights are not rare and it doesn't take any searching to find them.

Everywhere you look, there are ghostly reminders of a once powerful city.

Grand homes where many children were raised.

Family dinners were served and holidays celebrated.

Kwame Kilpatrick was certainly not the best mayor in the world. But sorry folks, Kwame didn't kill Detroit. He was raised in a society that taught him the world owed him. He made deals with his friends to do work around the city, took bribes, had affairs and lied about everything. It's nothing that everyone around him wasn't already doing. It's the only life he knew. He had no idea that it was wrong.

It was the people of Detroit that voted for the corrupt city council based on the lies they told. It was the drug dealers taking over otherwise good neighborhoods and no body stopping them. It was the never ending race riots that started back in the 60's and still goes on today. It's a city filled with bigots, racist, liars, and thugs. The city that has tried to spread its warped views with the rest of the world in the form of "music" and "history". Detroit has become what it deserves. 

This last photo is again by 

my friend Aimee.

Is this photo a metaphor for Detroit itself?

Can we get past the rubble and ruins,

Beyond the grave yard,

and to a new renascence.

Only time will tell.

Haunting Fog

Last week, we had one of those mid-winter days,

 when suddenly it went from sub-zero temperatures to the mid fifties in a matter of hours. 

When that happens, the snow melts

The fog rises.

And the rain begins to fall.

And Stew runs outside with his camera.

This is what I found......

The Blue Water Bridges
Canada in the distance.
Icy waters flowing from Lake Huron into the Saint Clair River.

A place to sit and take it all in.

Wander for a while.

Port Huron is the childhood home of Thomas Alva Edison.
He worked the rails that ran from Port Huron
 ( Eddy's hometown) to Mount Clemens further south (My hometown).

These ducks seemed to love this weather

A visit to the cemetery down the road from my home revealed this gem as the fog started to recede.

Brighter News

As I stood in the snow today for several hours lining up cars as they arrived for the funeral,

I contemplated the mysteries of the universe.
I thought about the snow.
I thought about the cold.
I thought about summer.
I miss summer.

As the wind blew and the direction of the weather vane changed again, the snow started to fall even heavier and wetter.
I thought about the bleak, colorlessness of winter.
I miss summer.

Then when the service was over and the casket had been buried in the frozen earth, I headed back across the marsh to my nice warm home.

That's when I realized that unless you are a follower of mine on facebook, then you don't know the big news yet.



This last year, sales have been very good for us in the hearse leasing business.

So, just before Christmas, we made the huge decision to add to our fleet. I've been waiting to tell you about it because I can't seem to get a good day to take pictures of my Christmas present to myself. So you'll have to make due with these from a wet, snowy day.

You may have noticed that our hearse in the side-bar is navy blue. Our largest client requested the blue hearse to set his funeral home apart from others in town. Since I like the look of the blue, I've always had a blue hearse.

Our latest addition is black and has been named....
"The Black Pearl". Since sales were already increasing with other funeral homes, the addition of a black coach enables us to service more traditional businesses. Already we have picked up an account that we had years ago that left us over the issue of color. And we are looking forward to adding more funeral homes to our roster.

Of course with the addition of another vehicle, comes the addition of another employee. My Eddy works a full time job already and can not help every day. The work is unsteady with no schedule. So the search has been hard, but I think I may have found a keeper. It turns out that someone that worked for me in my Pizza store is enjoying the funeral business as much as I do.

This brings our fleet to include  two hearses and a limousine. So if you find yourself in need of such a vehicle, please don't hesitate to call me because the bank wants the car payments every month, you know.

But, here on the Brighter Side, we like to think positive. I know deep in my heart that we are running a top quality business representing top quality funeral homes around the area. It is my pleasure every day to work with some of the industries finest professionals and to call them friends. I've said it before, Death is never easy. We are here to help those left behind start a new life. A life that does not include someone that they have loved. We always want the last memories of that person to be good memories.

And that brings me to my thought of the day. The contemplation from the beginning of this post. As I stood for hours in the snow and freezing temperatures, I thought............. " I can make myself miserable, or I can make myself happy. The amount of work I put into either is the same."
I chose each day to think thoughts, make choices and take actions that make me feel good. By doing so, I hope to help others feel good.


And finally, I've always saved facebook for close friends and family. But I've now decided to open it up to anyone that's more curious about the mind behind the Brighter Side. So feel free to look up Stewart Adams. I'd love to know more about those that follow me as well.