Monday, October 11, 2010

Will you like me?

I remember back in 6th grade, I wrote a girl named Wendy a note that said, "Wendy - I like you a lot. Will you like me too? Yes No Maybe. Please circle one and return to me."

Yes... it's embarrassing. But what I realize is that many of us do this exact same thing as adults every day of our lives. Its as if we are handing out pieces of paper every day to family, co-workers, even complete strangers, seeking their approval. For instance, we say things (or don't say things) to family in hopes that they will "like us". We do things at work (or don't do things) to make sure we're accepted by others. We'll even dress a certain way to gain the approval of others; this is called trying to fit in. All these scenarios are like we are handing out slips of paper that say, "Will you like me?" It's really kinda crazy, when you think about it.

I realize I've sought approval from others my whole life. I've taken it to the extreme wherein I actually used to derive my entire substance of self-esteem from the approval of others. It put me in a precarious position, because it puts all the power in the hands of others. When the others disappear, or disapprove, what are you left with? An empty, hallow esteem. That's a horrible place to be.

Instead of handing out notes asking people to like us, wouldn't it be better to hand out slips of paper that say something like, "I like you, and I just wanted you to know. You're welcome to like me to, but either way, I'll be fine and I'll still like you. With love." Isn't that nice? No needs, no looking to others for validation and wholeness. This opens the possibility to have expectancy regarding including someone in your life, but to live with expectancy is far different than expectation. One is open-ended and is based on positive energy. The other is negative and focused on judgment and game-playing. This same concept holds true when dealing with sales, or driving your car. It's true in all areas of life and opens up new possibilities and opportunities.

Oh, by the way... Wendy circled "Maybe" and we held hands once. She never spoke to me again. But it's okay. I liked her. She didn't like me, then I realised that I like boys better, but I'm fine. With love. :)

1 comment:

Jabacue said...

Good observation Stew. Yes, as kids and into adulthood we play these games looking for approval. Some do this forever. While others, like yourself, see the futility in such behavior and learn to become secure with themselves first.....then including others they like.
Yes Stew, we like you!
Jim